I remember it was a Friday because the cleaner always comes in on Fridays. Our church secretary Linda was getting the bulletin ready in her office and I was in my study preparing Sunday’s sermon. Our offices share one wall with each other and one wall with the front of the sanctuary. I heard a commotion coming from the sanctuary, but I didn’t get up right away because I was in a sermon-writing groove and I didn’t want to let it go. That’s when Linda came to the door. She knocked and spoke words I never thought I would hear, “Come quick! There’s a snake in the sanctuary.” I couldn’t believe it. I mean we had only been in the valley for two weeks.
Later Linda told me she had left the door to her office open to let in some of the cool spring air. She opened the door to the sanctuary to do something and when she came back she realized that a snake was curled up on the carpet floor. She told me her first thought was that someone had played a practical joke. Maybe one of the elders had left a fake snake to liven up her day. She kept walking towards the snake to get a better look, but then decided to change course. She walked up onto the stage and that’s when she saw its head tilt up and a forked tongue shoot out!
By this time the cleaning lady had come into the room. She heard Linda yelling and had rushed into the sanctuary. When I came out I saw her standing on the stage behind the piano. I remember a chorus of anxious yells and frightened looks on everyone’s faces, including my own. I’m not sure how alarmed I looked, but I think I did a pretty good job considering. My facial expression was probably somewhere between a calm look that said, “I’ve seen this a hundred times” and the shocked look of a deer caught in headlights.
Initially, I wasn’t sure if our visitor was a big rattle snake or a tiny garter. Come to find out, it was one of our valley’s most useful types of snakes, the gopher snake. I’ve still only met one in my short time here and I’m happy to tell you that I have come to appreciate gopher snakes because they help remove another rodent who I appreciate much much less.
The gopher snake was curled up, but I could tell it was still too big to pick up easily. My first thought was to grab a stilt and kill it just like I had seen Uncle Don do back in the fifth grade. My second thought was about the carpet. I kept thinking of how sickening it would be to have parts of the snake on the church carpet, just below the cross. The book of Genesis makes it clear that Christ will crush the head of the serpent, but I didn’t want to use my heal to try it that day. I decided to wait and see if there were any other options.
I’m glad I waited. Linda knew that the Lemoore Police Department had a special animal division that we could call. We called and told them about our predicament. The sweet lady took our information and acted like this was just another day at the office. She told me they would send someone over. Once again I wasn’t sure what to expect. I thought the guy would come in with a special snake box or something. He would catch the critter, carefully stow him away, and leave. Nope, not in Lemoore. Our guy was way better. He didn’t need a box. He drove away with the snake wrapped around his leather glove, arm leaning out the window. That’s when it hit me. We do things a little different here in the valley.
Our snake wrangler came in a big white truck and stepped out with a leather glove and a pole with a hook on the end. He had a nice smile on his face and he asked us where the snake was. He got right to work. By this time the snake had hidden under the secretary’s desk. Without much effort he scooped it up and said, “That’s a pretty good sized gopher.” By this time one of our elders had heard the news and had driven over to see for himself. Our snake wrangler held it out and he was right, it was a pretty good sized gopher.
Now, the real surprise came for me when it was time for him to drive away. He was sitting in the truck with his left arm out the window with the snake curled up around his glove. I couldn’t believe it. I thought, “So this is how we handle snakes in the valley!” I asked him what he was going to do with the snake and he told me he was going to take it across the creek and let it go. I remember him driving out of the parking lot with that serpent wrapped around his glove. That’s a memory I’m going to keep for quite some time.
I decided not to mention the snake story that Sunday. I finished the sermon, but I couldn’t find a way to talk about a snake slithering into the sanctuary. Now that I’ve had time to look back I think it would’ve been fine to let people know what happened. Knowing our people, I’m sure some of them would’ve had stories of their own they wanted to tell. If you live here long enough it seems like everyone has a story about trying to keep the plants or animals of Central Valley at bay. You never know what my show up outside your door, or inside it for that matter!
