How many close friends do you have? How many people can you go to with your struggles and openly share things with? This can be a difficult question to ask because so many people in our individualistic society struggle to maintain deep, lasting friendships. This can also be true in the church because people are busy and they haven’t been convinced of the need to do the hard work of investing in meaningful relationships.
Recently, the Central Valley Fellowship of pastors had a discussion about friendship. I found it incredibly helpful and I think you will benefit from it as well.
Our group of pastors invited pastor Austin Duncan to talk about a podcast he produced entitled, “Friendship and the Finish Line.” In it he made a case that friendship should be a vital part of every pastor’s ministry. The podcast included interviews from John MacArthur, Steve Lawson, and a pastor named Drew Hunter.
Some of the most thought-provoking points of the podcast had to do with how much John MacArthur’s friendships have helped him in his fifty-five years of ministry. Pastor MacArthur mentioned how his father had warned him about making friends in ministry because it could potentially be seen as showing favoritism to some people in the church. While serving as a pastor, John realized that he disagreed. He knew he needed to make friends with everyone. In fact, he described how friendship in ministry has played “a vital part of his life and ministry.”
One of MacArthur’s most helpful insights was when he discussed friendship in terms of what he can give to a relationship, not what he can get out of it. This is how he thought of his relationship with pastor R. C. Sproul, who came from a different church and denomination, but who nevertheless shared a deep friendship with John MacArthur (Sproul went home to be with the Lord in 2017). They both knew that they were ready to support each other, regardless of what kind of difficulty they experienced in life.
Another highlight of the podcast was the interview with Drew Hunter. In 2018, pastor Hunter wrote a book called Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys. He gave a Biblical basis for friendship, which I had never heard before. He talked about how friendship is an important theme in the Bible. The reason humans need friendship is because we are created in the image of God, who has a perfect relationship as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This idea introduced in Genesis 1:26 when God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” The point is strengthened in Genesis 2:18 when God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Adam not only needed to have a relationship with Eve, he also needed a friendship with God and later with other people on the earth.
Pastor Hunter also mentioned that Jesus had some profound teaching on friendship. In John 15:15 Jesus told his disciples, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” This is significant because Jesus took his relationship with his disciples deeper than expected. He expressed a desire to have a deep friendship with the disciples and he proved this by living out the ultimate expression of friendship when he died on the cross. He said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
Towards the end of the pastor’s meeting I asked Austin about whether a pastor’s wife is sufficient for the kind of deep friendship that he was encouraging pastors to have. He told us that he knows that he needs male friends to share things with so that he doesn’t burden his wife. She has many responsibilities as a mother and wife and so he finds a benefit in having close friends to help him share the burdens of life. I thought that was a helpful point that once again can motivate pastors to seek friendships with other godly men.
I first listened to the podcast in November of last year. Since then I have spent some time thinking about friendship and it’s vital importance in the life of a believer. Friendship truly is a common grace of God in our lives and I hope that this article will encourage believers to do the hard work of investing in others and growing in ever deepening relationships with God and man.
