I once read a bumper sticker that gave me pause, it read, “We send our dogs to training school while our kids run wild.” Think about that for a minute… How can we make sure to train our kids well? I want to show you what the Bible teaches about parenting by mentioning five gifts that every child needs to receive from their parents. They need a Godly example, the gospel, instruction, attention/affection, and discipline.
Every child needs an example to follow.
To say it straight, hypocrites make the worst parents. Hypocrites raise angry kids. Instruction without example leads to frustration. One cannot lead another in the right way if one is not going that way himself. This is one of the ways a parent can produce unnecessary anger in a child. The apostle gave this prohibition to fathers, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). It has been well said that instruction is the setting of the nail upon the wood, example is the hammer that drives it home! Having a Godly example is a wonderful gift that every parent should strive to model for their children.
Every child needs to know the gospel.
What is the gospel? The gospel is the good news that Jesus Christ made a perfect payment for our sins! (John 3:16) He made it possible for every person to repent of their sins and commit their life to Christ. If you have children you know that they do not have to learn how to disobey. They are inclined to being selfish and proud, just like the rest of humanity. The sooner a child can be told about the holiness of God the sooner they will realize how sinful they are. This is a very healthy realization because it will help them appreciate the gospel. They will realize there is no other way that they can be saved from their sin. It is only through the saving work of Jesus Christ dying on the cross for their sin. (Acts 4:12)
Every child needs instruction on what is right:
Kids need to be taught to make sure they are getting Bible knowledge into their little hearts every single day. Parents are supposed to tell their kids about God “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).
Every family will do this differently, but the main point is to get your family into God’s word. In our home we read the Bible around the dinner table. We are currently memorizing Matthew 5 as a family before dinner. We also let our kids listen to the Bible on CD before bed and again when they wake up. You cannot give them too much Bible. Their brains and hearts are sponges and they take it all in with joy and not complaint.
Every child needs to be loved and cared for well (Attention/Affection).
Kids know when they are being overlooked by your other interests. Kids need you tucking them in with prayer at night. Kids thrive on singular attention from you like having a game night during the week or engaging them in personal conversation in the car. Lately our kids are enjoying charades and Uno, coloring together and reading mysteries. Playing lava ball outside on the neighbor’s trampoline is alway a blast. Take dates with the girls and go on adventures with the boys—which for us can be as simple as driving home from church on the route my kids want, reading a Hardy Boys mystery together, or going out to McDonald’s for yummy French fries. Turn off the smart phone and give yourself to your kids.
Every child needs to be disciplined in love: Do you know where you find the unhappiest children? In child-centered homes. These are the homes where activity has replaced responsibility and parents have neglected to be parents. Children need God-centered homes. Using the book of Proverbs Peter Wegner outlines 6 levels of discipline.
Level 1. Encourage proper behavior: A wise parent encourages a child to behave properly (Prov. 1:8-9; 2:2-5; 3:13-15; 4:7-8).
Level 2. Inform of improper behavior: A wise parent is proactive and addresses certain issues before the child might be confronted by them (Prov. 1:10-15; 3:31-32).
Level 3. Explain the negative consequences of sin: A wise parent points out the negative consequences that lie along the path of life (Prov. 1:18-19; 5:3-6).
Level 4. Gently exhort: Wise parents will, on an ongoing basis, advise and exhort their children against sin that can easily become a pattern and encourage them to use wisdom (Prov. 4:1-2, 14-16).
Level 5. Gently rebuke or reprove: The wise parent knows when to use rebuke properly (Prov. 3:12; 24:24-25).
Level 6. Punishment that does not cause physical harm: A wise parent knows when and how to use punishment (Prov. 19:18; 13:24; 23:13-14; 29:15).
Conclusion
Children are a gift from the Lord, the heritage of God (Ps 127). The gift of children therefore is the responsible stewardship of parents or guardians to be carried out before the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4). These precious gifts are not to be held at arm’s length. They are to be nourished and cherished. We need to give them our heart and our life. We must bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Will Costello is the Senior Pastor at Visalia EV Free Church. You can contact him at willc@visaliaevfree.org.
