Thoughts from a Central Valley Pastor

Category: Marriage

The Godly Woman of Proverbs Thirty-One

The Bible gives a refreshingly clear description of an ideal woman in Proverbs 31:10-31. It is refreshing because it is not focused on the outward appearance of a woman. The twenty-two verses in this passage are overflowing with colorful imagery and practical illustrations of the kind of woman who “is to be praised.” It is important to note that the Bible does not require women to be married to faithfully serve God (1 Corinthians 7:7-8). Those who are married have a specific role to play in God’s glorious plan, but the principles listed in Proverbs 31 provides guidance regardless of whether someone is single or married. 

Many Christians are aware of the importance of the passage, but what is not as well known is that every stanza begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet, starting with Aleph and ending with Tau. One reason the original author created this abecedarian, was to paint a complete picture of a Godly woman. This helped the readers of Proverbs to grasp the attitude and actions that God wants woman to have. 

This ancient wisdom has been helpful for women of every generation that have had access to it. As a husband of one such woman, I can personally attest to the joy and peace that is brought into the world by women who seek to follow after these principles. My prayer is that this article will bring a renewed interest in this profound teaching about God’s view of a wise woman. 

One of the unique aspects of this chapter is that the author goes out of his way to highlight the unique value that a woman of God brings to her husband. The modern reader might be surprised that husbands are mentioned in a chapter about women, but this is no surprise to the informed reader of Scripture. Genesis 2:15-18 

specifies that God’s intention in creating Eve was to be a “suitable helper” for her husband. Ephesians 5:22-27 gives even more detail regarding God’s beautiful design for marriage. The author, the apostle Paul, commands each husband to love his wife in a sacrificial way, modeled after the incomparable servanthood of Jesus Christ. In verse 22, the apostle Paul specifies that each wife is to submit to her husband’s leadership of the family. Far from encouraging wives to subjugate themselves to the sinful domination of a worldly husband, this is a profound encouragement for wives to follow the loving leadership of a husband who is being held accountable by the perfect guidance of a good and gracious God. 

This picture of a Godly wife supporting her loving husband is masterfully displayed in Proverbs 31:10-31. The passage includes three references to the husband and each of them show the special value that a woman of God can bring to her husband. Verses 10-12 state that a Godly wife “is more precious than jewels.” She has earned the trust of her husband and he is convinced that his relationship with her will bring him success, and not harm, all her life. 

Verse 23 is the next place that mentions the connection between a husband and an ideal woman of God. It says, “ Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” The verses above and below imply that his wife’s excellent work and remarkable industry are one of the reasons her husband has such a good reputation in the city. 

Verses 28-31 bring a nice bookend to the passage because they reveal that a Godly woman will be praised by her children and her husband, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many jwomen have done kexcellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” The last sentence implies that her husband is the one recognizing his wife’s remarkable service to him, his family, and the community. 

The majority of the chapter is filled with detailed descriptions of the activity and attitude of an ideal woman of God. She is actively involved in the oversight of the business of the home. She is sacrificial in her concern for her children and for the responsibilities she has been given. She does not praise herself or demand recognition. Her praise comes from the lips of others. Proverbs 27:2 reinforces the idea of measuring the value of a woman of God from the words of others, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” Ultimately, the value of each woman is only decided by the God who made her. Scripture is also clear that a woman does not have to be married in order to be faithful to God. In fact, the apostle Paul wrote that there was much value for both men and women to remain single (1 Corinthians 7:7-8). Regardless of someone’s marital status, each person can benefit by studying the example given in Proverbs 31 and each person can prayerfully ask God to help them live in a way that is pleasing to Him. 

Exemplary Husband, Excellent Wife

My conviction about the importance of marriage and family grows every year. When Lydia and I were first married in 2007 we were both in love with each other and with the idea of being married (I’m glad to report that both are still true!) We were committed to God’s design for a man and a woman to make a covenant to live together and to serve the Lord together. As each year has passed, our appreciation for God’s institution of marriage has deepened. Now that we are enjoying our sixteenth year of marriage, I am overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude to God for bringing my wife and me together and for using our marriage to help each of us grow more committed to God and to each other.

One reason I have been thinking about marriage recently is because my wife and I have been reading through two of the best books on the subject. The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott and The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace were written to help Christian couples grow and mature in their service to the Lord. As you can tell from their titles, these books have set the bar incredibly high for husbands and wives. Lydia and I have been challenged and convicted by what we have read. I thought it would be helpful to share a few of the points from The Exemplary Husband that God has used most powerfully in my life.

Before I go any further, I need to clarify that I am not claiming to be the exemplary husband. I certainly have many areas to grow in. I’m also not saying that we have a perfect marriage. I am saying that my wife and I are amazed at God’s design for marriage and we want to pursue the Bible’s high calling for as many years as he gives us together on this earth.

Stuart Scott’s book is built around four sections: A Husband’s Recognitions, Responsibilities, Resolves, and Regrets. The first section lays a strong foundation to help each husband understand their standing before God. He is the one who created marriage and he knows how it is supposed to function. Scott does a great job laying out the most important passages of Scripture for understanding God, man, sin, the purpose of relationships and marriage, and most importantly for this book, man’s role in marriage.

The second section is worth the price of the book because it is so rare in our society to find a clarion voice regarding roles in marriage. The Bible makes clear statements about the differences between men and women and about the specific role that husbands are to play in marriage. It was refreshing to see how Scott put a husband’s role in the context of worshipping God. Marriage is not about meeting the husband’s needs. It is about serving God and others. The chapters on love and leadership were convicting because it is so easy to want to cater to my own preferences instead of being sacrificial and self-less. The Exemplary Husband helps the reader think about marriage the way God does. This helps give each husband the justification and the motivation needed to think and act as a servant in marriage.

The section on a Husband’s Resolves relates to his commitment to tackle some of the difficult parts of marriage. It was convicting to be reminded of my pride and my hesitancy to be humble and serve my wife. The Biblical encouragement for husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way” is one of the most important passages for husbands to understand (1 Peter 3:7) The chapter on “Helping Your Wife Deal With Her Sin” gets at the heart of why God design marriage. It is supposed to be used by God to mold both the husband and wife into the image of Jesus Christ. This is such a beautiful purpose for marriage and any Christian who has been married will attest to how effective the relationship is for showing us our sin and our need to be humbled and sanctified by God.

The last section is titled “A Husband’s Regrets.” It makes sure that the exemplary husband is aware of his own weaknesses and it gives a very effective warning on sins that can cut directly against the goal of pursuing God in marriage. This section, in particular, proves that the author does not shy away from addressing the dangers of weak husband. I found it encouraging and convicting to read Scott’s warnings against anger, anxiety and fear, and lust.

God has given humanity a wonderful gift in marriage. Some may be tempted to think of it as a utilitarian aspect of society, but we must never forget that it was instituted by God when he introduced the idea to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden (Genesis 1-2). Christians must take marriage seriously. They must recognize that the centerpiece of God’s design for humanity is marriage, the sacred union of a husband and wife. My prayer is that those reading would be motivated to study God’s word on marriage. I would highly recommend The Exemplary Husband and The Excellent Wife in pursuing that goal. I know my wife and I have been convicted and encouraged by what we have read.

Common Sense Reborn

Last Friday’s Supreme Court ruling on Roe vs. Wade was a win for the life of the unborn and for common sense. It dealt a shattering blow to the fictional argument that a woman has a constitutional right to abortion. The court’s ruling was in agreement with what the Bible has been communicating for thousands of years, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-14 

The Christian response to the June 24, 2022 ruling can be one of praise and thanksgiving. We can praise God for creating human life in his image and for allowing justice to be upheld, and we can thank him for graciously allowing the series of events to transpire that made the ruling possible. 

I have been reflecting on Proverbs 21:11 which says, “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.” Having closely watched the nomination and confirmation of justices Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett, I can give first-hand testimony to the fact that God was clearly involved in bringing a conservative majority to the court, which made this ruling possible. Soli Deo Gloria!

The court’s ruling reads as follows, “The Constitution does not confer a right to abortion. Roe and Casey are overruled, and the authority to regulate abortion is returned to the people and their elected representatives.” As a constitutional originalist, it is incredibly refreshing to read that the Supreme Court is referring to the constitution in this ruling. This should be a common practice, but for the last sixty years the activist mentality of many justices resulted in the court functioning like the legislative branch instead of the judicial branch. Friday’s majority opinion was a dramatic course-correction, effectively stating that the Supreme Court’s role is to interpret and apply the constitution and the law, not legislate on issues that oversteps their purview. 

The ruling also states that Roe and Casey are overruled. The significance of that statement is hard to overstate. The ruling means the court’s conclusion on Roe and Casey were wrong! Christians have known this to be true for half a century, but it was finally confirmed by the Supreme Court. 

Another key point of the ruling is that the question of abortion will now be returned to the courts of each individual state. It says, “The authority to regulate abortion is returned to the people and their elected representatives.” This has common sense written all over it. Each state has the constitutional authority to decide these issues, not the Supreme Court. This is how the question of abortion was addressed before Roe vs. Wade, and thankfully, this is how it will be addressed in the future. This means the battle against abortion will continue to be waged in each state. At this point the abortion debate has divided the states into three different groups: twenty states will activate some type of ban on abortion, ten other states are still uncertain on the outcome, and the remaining twenty states will work to protect abortion.

Dr. Al Mohler has been following the issue of abortion and the rights of the unborn for decades. I don’t agree with all his viewpoints, but when it comes to the issue of abortion I find his writing very helpful. This is what he said in last week’s podcast, “I have to tell you that another of my favorite sentences and sections from the Alito majority opinion is this, ‘Roe, however, was remarkably loose in its treatment of the constitutional text. It held that the abortion right, which is not mentioned in the constitution, is part of a right to privacy, which is also not mentioned.’ Now, that’s subtlety, but frankly, it’s not all that subtle. Here, you have Justice Alito saying that Roe v. Wade was built upon an artificial argument, that was built upon an artificial argument, that was built upon an artificial argument.” 

The artificial arguments supporting abortion have been brought into the light by the Supreme Court’s ruling. I think this is what was the most shocking part of this entire story. Many people following this case were not alive when Roe vs. Wade was originally handed down. We have scratched our heads trying to understand how such a controversial practice could be said to be constitutionally protected. Now we can have clarity on this issue. It never was a constitutional right, and it never should have been supported in that way. 

Faithful Love, Sacrificial Love

The bible tells us that love should be defined by the agape love that God showed us when he sent Jesus Christ to earth to die on the cross for our sins (1 John 4:10). I often think of His supernatural love for us when I hear stories of people sacrificing for each other. That was the case when I read the story of Jean-Pierre and Bernadette Adams’ remarkable commitment to their marriage vows. 

When Jean-Pierre and Bernadette Adams were married in the late 1960s they had no idea how strongly their love for each other would be tested. The couple was living in southern France when Jean-Pierre suffered a knee injury at a soccer training event. He went to a hospital and was advised to get surgery to fix the injury to one of his tendons. During the surgery, a complication arose that put him in a coma that lasted thirty-nine years.

By the grace of God his body was able to survive for all those years, and it was also the grace of God that allowed his wife to care for him during that time. 

The first fifteen months of the coma were spent in the hospital. Bernadette made sure to watch over him there, even though she was also caring for their two young children. She was advised to place her husband in a nursing home, but she loved him so much that she said, “I don’t think they knew how to look after him, so I said to myself: ‘He will come home’ and I’ve looked after him ever since.”

They moved to their home and Bernadette began round-the-clock care for her husband. From the start of the day until Jean-Pierre fell asleep she would care for all his needs. Even after he was asleep, she would need to turn him in the middle of the night. In one interview she said, “Sometimes when the night goes badly, I’m up for the whole thing.” 

Jean-Pierre had played professional soccer for several teams in France, including the national team, with 22 appearances. When this tragic event occurred, many of those in the soccer community rallied to help him. They helped pay for his home to be customized with amenities that would make life easier for him. Through it all his wife was constantly there for him, ready to keep her marriage vows to him. 

There have been times when she has been asked about euthanasia. In one interview she responded this way, “It’s unthinkable! He cannot speak. And it’s not for me to decide for him. What do you want me to do—deprive him of food? Let him die little by little? No, no, no.” Her commitment to loving him continued until September 6 of this year, when Jean-Pierre passed away.

As I have reflected on this story I have been amazed by the picture of love that it represents. Bernadette’s love was sacrificial, selfless, faithful, kind, and compassionate. Her desire to care for him was grounded in the commitment she made when they were married fifty-two years ago. 

The picture of faithful love that is contained in marriage is so powerful because it comes from God. He is the one who gave the institution of marriage to humanity at the creation of the world. The idea that two people would sacrificially love each other for their entire married life is just a small glimpse of God’s love for us. Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus gives us the ultimate definition of love in marriage. Paul wrote, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” 1 John 4:10 says, “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 

The agape love that God has for the lost was perfectly illustrated when Jesus was willing to die on the cross for our sins. We are amazed at Bernadette’s sacrificial love for her husband, but that love is just a shadow of the love that Christ has for us. I am amazed by her story of faithful love because it reminds me of Christ’s love for us. May we never stop being amazed by how he proved his love for us on the cross. May we never take his love for granted, and may we be motivated to love others with the same love that he showed us. 

Interviews mentioned in the article were taken from the following sources: https://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/04/football/football-jean-pierre-adams-coma/index.htmlhttps://gentlereformation.com/2021/09/18/for-better-for-worse/

Guardians of Marriage

You’ve probably heard the statistic that 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce. I’ve always questioned that statistic because it does not line up with the almost 20 years of experience I have had working in churches. I have always known biblical churches as communities that guard and protect marriage. I’m often encouraged by the decades of faithfulness that are illustrated in the marriages in our churches. It’s not just one generation of faithfulness. You can see multiple generations who are able to enjoy the fidelity of marriage the way God intended (Genesis 2:24-25). 

By the grace of God, I can attest to the benefit of multi-generational marriage faithfulness in our family. My dad’s parents were married for 63 years. My mom’s parents for 56 years. My own parents remained faithful to each other for 33 years before my mom was taken to be with the Lord in 2011. If you add my own marriage to the mix, then the result is 166 years (and growing!) of God’s blessing. 

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord.” There is a special blessing for those who keep their marriage holy as God intended. The Bible is also clear that there will be consequences for those who fail to stay true to their vows. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” 

Many Christians today forget that Jesus said, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11-12) That alone can motivate some to seek marriage counseling to strengthen their relationship because if they get divorced, Scripture says they should not remarry. 

As my wife and I raise our kids we want to make sure to let them know of the importance of choosing a spouse. Our boys need to make a believing woman be their first priority in marriage. Our girls need to pray for God to provide them with a man of God who will love them the way Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). If Christ’s return comes late enough in the future, then our prayer is that our children will get married and have decades of marital bliss, the way God intended.