Christ and Common Sense

Thoughts from a Central Valley Pastor

Category: Parenting

Youth Sports: Four Questions to Ask

May 15, 2024 /

In the last two months, youth sports have surged back to life. Parents have started their yearly tradition of driving kids to and from practices, games, and meetings. They are constantly asking questions, “When is the next practice?” “Why isn’t my son getting more playing time?” “What field is my daughter’s game at?” These questions come fast and hard and many parents need to take the time to slow down and consider another group of questions that all Christian parents should ask when navigating the world of youth sports. 

Question #1) How will youth sports affect our family? It has become common for families to have multiple children in different sports, which means they are constantly on the go. If you find yourself driving frantically from practice to practice, eating fast food in the car, and microwaving pop-tarts to save time, then as the comedian Brian Reagan says, “You might need to loosen up your schedule!”

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger.” It is very likely that your children will become tired, irritable, and be tempted to be disobedient if they are not getting time to sleep well, do their homework, and have one-on-one time with their parents. Parents can make the mistake of thinking their kids will be angry if they don’t constantly do sports, but the reality is they may become frustrated by doing too many sports. 

Question #2) Will this sport have any games or practices on Sundays? My wife and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the spiritual growth of our children is always more important than their athletic development. The Bible makes it clear that the purpose of parenting is to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV) This means Sunday mornings are reserved for spiritual training with our church family and we often find the rest of each Sunday is a great time to rest and reconnect with the family. 

Question #3) Will this sport become an idol for me, my wife, or my children? The apostle John’s closing words in his first letter are surprisingly simple, “My little children, keep yourself from idols.” An idol is anything that takes the place of worshipping God. Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to “Love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your might, and with all your strength and a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:38-39) This means that everything in life needs to be considered through the grid of whether it is adding to our love for God or distracting from it.

Question #4) What is motivating you as a parent to place your child in sports? Is it because all his friends are in sports? Is it because you want him to get a college scholarship? Is it because you want bragging rights with your friends? God’s word tells us, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7) This is a good time for believers to think carefully about youth sports. We need to take a step back and realize that the rat race of the business world has infiltrated youth sports. There is money to be made in the world of sports and many of those pushing sports in the culture have motives and goals that are in opposition to glorifying God and living according to God’s word. 

Each family has to decide how to use the precious time given by God to raise their children. There is freedom to invest in different ways in youth sports, but each parent is responsible to ask Godly questions in order to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” 

 Photo credit: Edward N. Johnson www.flickr.com/photos/usaghumphreys/6205493855

Iron Sharpens Iron Conference

May 19, 2023 /

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” This famous verse, found in Proverbs 27:17 (ESV), captures the heart of the Iron Sharpens Iron (ISI) conference, which takes place every year at Hickman Community Church in Hickman, CA. 

I have been hearing about the ISI Conference for several years, but this was the first time I had the opportunity to make the two hour trip up Highway 99 to this special conference. The first reason it is unique is because of where it is held. As of 2020, the city of Hickman had an official population of 751 souls. Hickman Community Church has a good size facility so I wouldn’t be surprised if the city size grows by several hundred every Sunday morning! The church campus has plenty of space to make room for all the people who come, whether it is on a Sunday morning for a worship service or for a men’s conference like ISI. 

The second thing that impressed me about the conference was how many of the speakers are serving here in the Central Valley. All eight of the speakers came from Northern California. We had Tulare, Merced, Stanislaus, Sacramento, and even Nevada county represented at the conference. This may not be significant to many, but the fact that so many well-trained, godly speakers were available to speak was a great encouragement to me. My prayer is that this trend would continue as the conference prepares for the future. 

The ISI conference is built around four main sessions and three break-out sessions. These are spaced out evenly between three meals, dinner on Friday night, and breakfast and lunch on Saturday. The theme of this year’s conference was on leaving a legacy for the next generation. Dr. Rick Gregory, from Grace Bible Church in Fair Oaks, did an excellent job keeping the men in attendance engaged and challenged from God’s word. The first session laid a foundation for leaving a legacy by emphasizing the importance of having integrity. A man’s impact on future generations will not have lasting power if he does not have integrity. The next session was focused on investing wisely in the next generation. The Bible has both positive and negative examples of how to pour into the lives of younger men (Positive 1 Thess. 5:11, Heb. 10:24-25, Negative 1 Ki. 1:6). 

Pastor Rick’s third session was on learning how to use Godly influence in each man’s legacy. He gave very practical guidance on how a father’s role in a child’s life needs to change as the child grows. The role changes from that of a lot of control, when the child is an infant and toddler, to that of a coach as the child grows older. Later, when the child reaches adulthood the role needs to change to counseling and once the child is married and has children, the father’s role should develop into that of a consultant, giving guidance as needed. I found this to be a helpful session because I have seen my children show a need for my role in their lives to change in a similar way to what Dr. Rick mentioned. The fourth and last session, was actually a Q&A with all the available speakers. This was helpful and I especially appreciated the restorative answer to the question of whether someone can leave a legacy if they have made major mistakes in life. The pastors expressed a need for men to acknowledge their mistakes, to repent of them, and then to sincerely seek to live the remainder of their life for the glory of God. Overall, the main sessions combined to make a forceful argument for men to carefully consider how they are investing in the next generation. 

I traveled up to ISI with two men from Grace Bible Hanford and one from Grace Church of the Valley in Kingsburg. Our brother from Hanford speaks fluent Spanish, so he was able to attend two break-out sessions in Spanish, the first was on Adoring God and the second was on Evangelism. The rest of us were able to hear two great sessions on sharing our faith and on family worship. The latter included a helpful description of Deuteronomy 6:4-8, which highlights God’s commands for parents to teach Scripture “diligently to your children” all the time. The session on sharing your faith was powerful to hear because it was given by a pastor who had seen God turn his life around, giving him the ultimate reason to share the good news of Jesus Christ. 

As always, one of the highlights of a men’s conference is hearing so many faithful men belting out powerful worship songs to God. We had several opportunities to be led in singing by the worship band and each of them were powerful times to sing of who God is and what he has done. 

The conference ended around 4:30 pm on Saturday. We thanked the hosts and got into our car for the drive home. We were able to talk about what we had heard and learned during the sessions. We set goals for how we would be able to implement the encouragement we had been given. I am happy to report that some of us have already had good conversations about the conference, which means we are already well on our way of pursuing the ISI goal to sharpen one another for the glory of God. Hopefully, we will be able to make a return trip next year. 

The Need for Godly Fathers

July 22, 2022 /

I remember being amazed at my dad when I was growing up. We were sitting around the breakfast table having our daily devotion before going to school. Like usual, one of us would read a passage and then we would discuss it. I remember being surprised because my dad seemed to have every passage memorized. It didn’t matter what the topic was, he was familiar with the passage and could often quote a verse that was connected with it. That made a big impact on me because I realized the Bible was important enough for my dad to memorize and put to use in every aspect of his life. My trust in God’s word deepened and my faith in God grew because of the example of my father. 

The Bible speaks highly of fathers and their role of raising children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) The book of Proverbs is full of encouragement for the younger generation to learn from their fathers and mothers. The very first chapter starts with these words, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.” (1:8) Children who wear the biblical advice of their parents will be protected from many of the traps and tragedies of this life. 

A father’s love for his children means he will be willing to warn them of the danger of disobedience. Proverbs 4:1 says, “Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight… Hear, my son, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.” Those who reject their father’s advice will fall into temptation and trials. They will have their life cut short by the folly of their decisions. Proverbs 6:23 says, “For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life.” That last phrase gives the biblical perspective on a father’s loving discipline. He is to warn his children so that they will walk in the way of life! 

The need for loving fathers is closely tied to the need for discipline. This is not a a man-made convention that was imposed on patriarchal societies as they evolved over time. No, the need for loving discipline is actually tied to the character of God. Proverbs 3:11-12 says, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” This principle of loving discipline is important for fathers and their children to grasp. Some parents seem to believe that love has no place for discipline. The Bible teaches the opposite. It actually teaches that a loving parent is the one who is willing to discipline their child. 

The author of Hebrews quoted from Proverbs when he wrote, “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?… We have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:7-11) 

The need for loving discipline is a key part of being a good father because the Biblical model of fatherhood comes from our heavenly Father. He is the perfect Father who always does what is best for his children. He is the good Father who lovingly warns his children and disciplines them so they will walk in the path of life. 

Being a good father is not an easy job in our society because there are many different models and philosophies being touted as acceptable ways of being a father. The Christian father does not need to be confused. The model he needs to pursue is that of our Heavenly Father. He is the perfect father who loves his children. God is the loving father who encourages and teaches his children who He is and how they are to live. 

Youth Sports: Five Questions Christian Parents Need to Ask

April 8, 2022 /

In the last two months, youth sports have surged back to life. Parents have started their yearly tradition of driving kids to and from practices, games, and meetings. They are constantly asking questions, “When is the next practice?” “Why isn’t my son getting more playing time?” “What field is my daughter’s game at?” These questions come fast and hard at parents and many have not taken the time to slow down and consider another group of questions that all Christian parents should ask before signing their children up for sports. 

Question #1) How will youth sports affect your family? It has become common for families to have multiple children in different sports, which means they are constantly on the go. If you find yourself driving frantically from practice to practice, eating junk food in the car, microwaving pop-tarts to save time, as Brian Reagan says, “You might need to loosen up your schedule.” Our family loves youth sports. We have put our kids in indoor soccer, baseball, basketball, gymnastics, football, and softball, but we have learned that our family can only handle one sport at a time for the entire family if we want to maintain a healthy balance for quality time with each child, regular devotions, and family meal-times. 

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger.” It is very likely that your children will become tired, irritable, and be tempted to be disobedient if they are not getting time to sleep well, do their homework, and have one-on-one time with their parents. Parents can make the mistake of thinking their kids will be angry if they don’t do constant sports, but the reality is they are kids! They are happy to be with mom and dad playing ball in the back yard! 

Question #2) Will this sport have any games or practices on Sundays? My wife and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the spiritual growth of our children is always more important than their athletic development. The Bible makes it clear that the purpose of parenting is to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV) This means Sunday mornings are reserved for spiritual training with our church family. 

Over the years, we have had coaches ask us if our son could go to a special training on Sunday morning or afternoon. We have made it very simple. Sundays are reserved for family, both our church family and our extended family and so we do not sign up for any sports that would conflict with our priorities. There have been times when a stand-alone sports event could have worked around our schedule, but we have never regretted saying “No” to youth sports on Sundays. If you want to get inspired by this commitment go watch “Chariots of Fire” and be amazed at Eric Lidell’s resolve to give up running in the Olympics because his event had been scheduled on a Sunday morning. 

Question #3) Will this sport become an idol for me, my wife, or my children? The apostle John’s closing words in his first letter are surprisingly simple, “My little children, keep yourself from idols.” An idol is anything that takes the place of worshipping God. Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to “Love the lord your God with all your heart, with all your might, and with all your strength and a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:38-39) This means that everything in life needs to be considered through the grid of whether it is adding to our love for God or distracting from it. This grid is incredibly helpful with youth sports. Is your child overly concerned with how he or she is playing on the field? That might mean it is a good time to remind him or her to view the sport from God’s perspective. Is your child consistently struggling to enjoy the game? Then take a break. You are the one who signed your child up, you can talk to the coach and do what is best for your child. 

Question #4) What is motivating you as a parent to place your child in sports? Is it because all his friends are in sports? Is it because you want him to get a college scholarship? Is it because you want bragging rights with your friends? God’s word tells us, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7) This is a good time to do some soul searching. Take a step back and realize that the rat race of the business world has taken over youth sports as well. There is money to be made in the world of sports and you would have to be naive to not realize that people pushing youth sports have less than pure motives. The Christian parent’s motivation for youth sports should be to glorify God and train their child. There are many good lessons that can be learned from playing sports, but there are many more bad lessons that can seep in and twist the motives of the athlete. Work hard to talk to your budding athlete and make sure they are thinking these things through for themselves. 

Question #5) Where does the incessant push for youth sports come from? It reminds me of the reasons Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden fruit. Genesis 3 says, “She saw that it was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise.” It is very easy to justify things that seem innocent and positive on the outside. The Christian parent looks deeper. He asks good questions. 

David King and Margot Starbuck have written a book titled Overplayed: A Parent’s Guide to Sanity in World of Youth Sports. They bring a Christian perspective to this topic by addressing seven common myths about youth sports. Myth number seven is this, “The Money We Are Investing into Youth Sports Will Pay Off.” It is true that college tuition is growing more expensive, but should you really invest in more than a decade of youth sports in the hope that your daughter will win a scholarship? Maybe she won’t want to go to college. Maybe she will go to a community college first? These questions need to be asked soon or else you will find yourself “red-shirting” your kindergarten child because of financial dreams that may never materialize. 

Each family has to decide how to use the precious time given by God to raise their children. There is freedom to invest in different ways in youth sports, but each parent is responsible to ask Godly questions in order to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” 

Train Up A Child

April 1, 2022 /

One of the most quoted verses about parenting is found in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” (English Standard Version). The reason it is so well known is because the proverb is often misunderstood as a promise that guarantees a good outcome for children who are raised in the church. 

That is how I understood the verse for most of my life. I grew up thinking there was a special blessing guaranteed to families who were faithful to read the Bible and go to church. It wasn’t until I took a class taught by Dr. John Street at the Master’s Seminary that I realized I had misunderstood the passage. 

The original language of the verse is Hebrew and it contains an idiom that is difficult to translate into English. The verse literally says, “Dedicate a child in the way of his mouth and when he is old he will not turn aside from it.” Hebrew speakers liked to use human illustrations to describe action and emotion. We have all heard how God brought the Hebrew people out of Egypt “with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.” (Deuteronomy 4:34) Job cried out against his oppressors by saying, “My bones stick to my skin and to my flesh, and I have escaped by the skin of my teeth.” (19:20) That last saying was brought directly into our English translations of the Bible and since it is such a vivid illustration we still use it today! 

The same cannot be said about Proverbs 22:6. We do not talk about raising up a child “in the way of his mouth.” That is a foreign idea to us, but if we take the time to understand what it means we can gain a better grasp of Scripture and have clearer expectations about raising children according to God’s word. 

The phrase “way of his mouth” is used throughout the Old Testament. It usually refers to what someone has said, but in Leviticus 24:12 it is translated as “the will of the Lord.” This is helpful for understanding Proverbs 22:6 because the emphasis is on the will of the child. The author is saying “Train up a child according to his own will and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Understanding Proverbs 22:6 in its original context reveals that it is a warning, not a promise. It is a warning to parents that if they allow their children to have their own way, they will not depart from that foolishness when they are older. As professor Edward Wilde has written, “When we look at the surrounding proverbs (which may give a hint) we have warnings of what NOT to do:  V. 5: keep away or suffer the consequence. V. 7: Don’t borrow, or suffer the consequence. V. 8, don’t be unjust, or suffer the consequence.” Professor Wilde offers his own translation, “Dedicate your child to his desire and he’ll be happy to go there – and stay there.” 

Proverbs 22:6 should not be understood as a promise that Christian children will make good decisions their entire life. No, it should be understood as a warning. If parents don’t discipline their children in a wise way, then their kids are going to make foolish choices and continue to do so when they grow up. The discerning parent is aware of this and carefully considers how to guide the child to become self-aware and self-controlled so that he will learn to make wise decisions in his youth and continue to do so the rest of his life. 

What Makes a Great Parent?

March 12, 2021 /

I once read a bumper sticker that gave me pause, it read, “We send our dogs to training school while our kids run wild.” Think about that for a minute… How can we make sure to train our kids well? I want to show you what the Bible teaches about parenting by mentioning five gifts that every child needs to receive from their parents. They need a Godly example, the gospel, instruction, attention/affection, and discipline.

Every child needs an example to follow. 

To say it straight, hypocrites make the worst parents. Hypocrites raise angry kids. Instruction without example leads to frustration. One cannot lead another in the right way if one is not going that way himself. This is one of the ways a parent can produce unnecessary anger in a child. The apostle gave this prohibition to fathers, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). It has been well said that instruction is the setting of the nail upon the wood, example is the hammer that drives it home! Having a Godly example is a wonderful gift that every parent should strive to model for their children. 

Every child needs to know the gospel. 

What is the gospel? The gospel is the good news that Jesus Christ made a perfect payment for our sins! (John 3:16) He made it possible for every person to repent of their sins and commit their life to Christ. If you have children you know that they do not have to learn how to disobey. They are inclined to being selfish and proud, just like the rest of humanity. The sooner a child can be told about the holiness of God the sooner they will realize how sinful they are. This is a very healthy realization because it will help them appreciate the gospel. They will realize there is no other way that they can be saved from their sin. It is only through the saving work of Jesus Christ dying on the cross for their sin. (Acts 4:12)

Every child needs instruction on what is right: 

Kids need to be taught to make sure they are getting Bible knowledge into their little hearts every single day. Parents are supposed to tell their kids about God “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). 

Every family will do this differently, but the main point is to get your family into God’s word. In our home we read the Bible around the dinner table. We are currently memorizing Matthew 5 as a family before dinner. We also let our kids listen to the Bible on CD before bed and again when they wake up. You cannot give them too much Bible. Their brains and hearts are sponges and they take it all in with joy and not complaint.

Every child needs to be loved and cared for well (Attention/Affection). 

Kids know when they are being overlooked by your other interests. Kids need you tucking them in with prayer at night. Kids thrive on singular attention from you like having a game night during the week or engaging them in personal conversation in the car. Lately our kids are enjoying charades and Uno, coloring together and reading mysteries. Playing lava ball outside on the neighbor’s trampoline is alway a blast. Take dates with the girls and go on adventures with the boys—which for us can be as simple as driving home from church on the route my kids want, reading a Hardy Boys mystery together, or going out to McDonald’s for yummy French fries. Turn off the smart phone and give yourself to your kids.

Every child needs to be disciplined in love: Do you know where you find the unhappiest children? In child-centered homes. These are the homes where activity has replaced responsibility and parents have neglected to be parents. Children need God-centered homes. Using the book of Proverbs Peter Wegner outlines 6 levels of discipline.

Level 1. Encourage proper behavior: A wise parent encourages a child to behave properly (Prov. 1:8-9; 2:2-5; 3:13-15; 4:7-8). 

Level 2. Inform of improper behavior: A wise parent is proactive and addresses certain issues before the child might be confronted by them (Prov. 1:10-15; 3:31-32). 

Level 3. Explain the negative consequences of sin: A wise parent points out the negative consequences that lie along the path of life (Prov. 1:18-19; 5:3-6). 

Level 4. Gently exhort: Wise parents will, on an ongoing basis, advise and exhort their children against sin that can easily become a pattern and encourage them to use wisdom (Prov. 4:1-2, 14-16). 

Level 5. Gently rebuke or reprove: The wise parent knows when to use rebuke properly (Prov. 3:12; 24:24-25). 

Level 6. Punishment that does not cause physical harm: A wise parent knows when and how to use punishment (Prov. 19:18; 13:24; 23:13-14; 29:15).

Conclusion 

Children are a gift from the Lord, the heritage of God (Ps 127). The gift of children therefore is the responsible stewardship of parents or guardians to be carried out before the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4). These precious gifts are not to be held at arm’s length. They are to be nourished and cherished. We need to give them our heart and our life. We must bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 

Will Costello is the Senior Pastor at Visalia EV Free Church. You can contact him at willc@visaliaevfree.org. 

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