My conviction about the importance of marriage and family grows every year. When Lydia and I were first married in 2007 we were both in love with each other and with the idea of being married (I’m glad to report that both are still true!) We were committed to God’s design for a man and a woman to make a covenant to live together and to serve the Lord together. As each year has passed, our appreciation for God’s institution of marriage has deepened. Now that we are enjoying our sixteenth year of marriage, I am overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude to God for bringing my wife and me together and for using our marriage to help each of us grow more committed to God and to each other.
One reason I have been thinking about marriage recently is because my wife and I have been reading through two of the best books on the subject. The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott and The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace were written to help Christian couples grow and mature in their service to the Lord. As you can tell from their titles, these books have set the bar incredibly high for husbands and wives. Lydia and I have been challenged and convicted by what we have read. I thought it would be helpful to share a few of the points from The Exemplary Husband that God has used most powerfully in my life.
Before I go any further, I need to clarify that I am not claiming to be the exemplary husband. I certainly have many areas to grow in. I’m also not saying that we have a perfect marriage. I am saying that my wife and I are amazed at God’s design for marriage and we want to pursue the Bible’s high calling for as many years as he gives us together on this earth.
Stuart Scott’s book is built around four sections: A Husband’s Recognitions, Responsibilities, Resolves, and Regrets. The first section lays a strong foundation to help each husband understand their standing before God. He is the one who created marriage and he knows how it is supposed to function. Scott does a great job laying out the most important passages of Scripture for understanding God, man, sin, the purpose of relationships and marriage, and most importantly for this book, man’s role in marriage.
The second section is worth the price of the book because it is so rare in our society to find a clarion voice regarding roles in marriage. The Bible makes clear statements about the differences between men and women and about the specific role that husbands are to play in marriage. It was refreshing to see how Scott put a husband’s role in the context of worshipping God. Marriage is not about meeting the husband’s needs. It is about serving God and others. The chapters on love and leadership were convicting because it is so easy to want to cater to my own preferences instead of being sacrificial and self-less. The Exemplary Husband helps the reader think about marriage the way God does. This helps give each husband the justification and the motivation needed to think and act as a servant in marriage.
The section on a Husband’s Resolves relates to his commitment to tackle some of the difficult parts of marriage. It was convicting to be reminded of my pride and my hesitancy to be humble and serve my wife. The Biblical encouragement for husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way” is one of the most important passages for husbands to understand (1 Peter 3:7) The chapter on “Helping Your Wife Deal With Her Sin” gets at the heart of why God design marriage. It is supposed to be used by God to mold both the husband and wife into the image of Jesus Christ. This is such a beautiful purpose for marriage and any Christian who has been married will attest to how effective the relationship is for showing us our sin and our need to be humbled and sanctified by God.
The last section is titled “A Husband’s Regrets.” It makes sure that the exemplary husband is aware of his own weaknesses and it gives a very effective warning on sins that can cut directly against the goal of pursuing God in marriage. This section, in particular, proves that the author does not shy away from addressing the dangers of weak husband. I found it encouraging and convicting to read Scott’s warnings against anger, anxiety and fear, and lust.
God has given humanity a wonderful gift in marriage. Some may be tempted to think of it as a utilitarian aspect of society, but we must never forget that it was instituted by God when he introduced the idea to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden (Genesis 1-2). Christians must take marriage seriously. They must recognize that the centerpiece of God’s design for humanity is marriage, the sacred union of a husband and wife. My prayer is that those reading would be motivated to study God’s word on marriage. I would highly recommend The Exemplary Husband and The Excellent Wife in pursuing that goal. I know my wife and I have been convicted and encouraged by what we have read.
