One of the most quoted verses about parenting is found in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” (English Standard Version). The reason it is so well known is because the proverb is often misunderstood as a promise that guarantees a good outcome for children who are raised in the church.
That is how I understood the verse for most of my life. I grew up thinking there was a special blessing guaranteed to families who were faithful to read the Bible and go to church. It wasn’t until I took a class taught by Dr. John Street at the Master’s Seminary that I realized I had misunderstood the passage.
The original language of the verse is Hebrew and it contains an idiom that is difficult to translate into English. The verse literally says, “Dedicate a child in the way of his mouth and when he is old he will not turn aside from it.” Hebrew speakers liked to use human illustrations to describe action and emotion. We have all heard how God brought the Hebrew people out of Egypt “with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.” (Deuteronomy 4:34) Job cried out against his oppressors by saying, “My bones stick to my skin and to my flesh, and I have escaped by the skin of my teeth.” (19:20) That last saying was brought directly into our English translations of the Bible and since it is such a vivid illustration we still use it today!
The same cannot be said about Proverbs 22:6. We do not talk about raising up a child “in the way of his mouth.” That is a foreign idea to us, but if we take the time to understand what it means we can gain a better grasp of Scripture and have clearer expectations about raising children according to God’s word.
The phrase “way of his mouth” is used throughout the Old Testament. It usually refers to what someone has said, but in Leviticus 24:12 it is translated as “the will of the Lord.” This is helpful for understanding Proverbs 22:6 because the emphasis is on the will of the child. The author is saying “Train up a child according to his own will and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Understanding Proverbs 22:6 in its original context reveals that it is a warning, not a promise. It is a warning to parents that if they allow their children to have their own way, they will not depart from that foolishness when they are older. As professor Edward Wilde has written, “When we look at the surrounding proverbs (which may give a hint) we have warnings of what NOT to do: V. 5: keep away or suffer the consequence. V. 7: Don’t borrow, or suffer the consequence. V. 8, don’t be unjust, or suffer the consequence.” Professor Wilde offers his own translation, “Dedicate your child to his desire and he’ll be happy to go there – and stay there.”
Proverbs 22:6 should not be understood as a promise that Christian children will make good decisions their entire life. No, it should be understood as a warning. If parents don’t discipline their children in a wise way, then their kids are going to make foolish choices and continue to do so when they grow up. The discerning parent is aware of this and carefully considers how to guide the child to become self-aware and self-controlled so that he will learn to make wise decisions in his youth and continue to do so the rest of his life.
